9 Things Men Think When They See You Naked
Shockingly, it’s not just “BOOBS!”
There’s this thing guys do in the throes of hot sex, and you might not even notice. We pause, and we look. Because when you’re totally in the moment, you put on one hell of a sexy show, and we love to watch. The thing is, visual cues are a major part of the sexual response for men. Your body has a hypnotic power over us—during sex or otherwise. Curious about what’s really running through our minds? Here are nine things every man thinks when he sees you naked:
“Act cool.” Here’s how cartoonists interpret the male libido: Our eyes bug out, our ears turn into steam vents, and our feet flap together so fast that we temporarily levitate. It’s actually not that far fetched. When you disrobe in front of us, our heart rates spike, our blood flows south, and we slowly lose the ability to follow a train of thought. But we don’t want to give off the impression that we’ve never seen a naked woman before, so we try to keep ourselves together. While we want to howl like cartoon wolves and let our tongues roll out of our mouths, we won’t. We’ll keep it together.
“Finally, I can stare!” In the name of civilized behavior, we men do all we can to avoid being caught looking at a woman’s breasts in public. At the office, gym, and beach, we make a concerted effort to hold eye contact in conversation. But once the clothing drops off, civilized behavior is no longer a priority. We’ve now given our eyes permission to roam. Hopefully you’re okay with that.
*Mental note* We will be thinking about this moment later while we masturbate. Make no mistake about it.
“Um, I had stuff to do, didn’t I?” We could have work piling up, dinner that needs to be cooked, or a country to save, but once your underwear hits the floor, our plans pretty much just disappear.
“Wait for it…” Men have the ability to reach orgasm way faster than woman. The injustice of this isn’t lost on us. Not only does it mean we have extra to work to do, but it also means we have to delay gratification to get that work done. So rather than hurl ourselves upon you and take you like a caveman, we move at a pace that we think—or hope, at least—will get us both to the finish line at the same time.
“I really wish I knew what she wanted me to do.” Don’t be afraid to boss us around a little bit. Our job is much easier when you give us feedback. Whisper your desires in our ear, move our hands where you want them, and take control to show us what turns you on. It all helps.
“Damn, I’m lucky.” The feeling of gratitude comes very easy in the presence of nudity.
“What on earth could she be self conscious about?” Men obviously have their insecurities too, but we still have a hard time comprehending your inhibitions when we’re so damn mesmerized by your body. We relish those moments when you’re completely self-confident and open. If you’re covering your chest, moving awkwardly, or trying to hide under a blanket, we’re going to do whatever we can to make you feel comfortable. And that’s perfectly okay, but it’s even more fun to see you happily baring what you’re working with.
*Blissful silence* In fully clothed life, we may sometimes seem preoccupied with work or like we’re too stressed to concentrate on our relationship. But nothing relieves stress like sex, and by the time you’re naked, that’s the only thing we’re thinking about. You have our undivided attention.